Body Image

I'm Sick of Hearing About Your Smoking Hot Wife

"When a man brags about his wife's looks, body, or smoking hot prowess, we may consider his remarks loving compliments from a husband to his better half, but when I hear a man say those things, I bristle. Especially if he's a pastor, a man apportioned by God to shepherd not only the men in their congregations, but the women too. Wounded women. Tired women. Abused women. Women with so many "godly" expectations thrown at them that they'll either break under the weight or bootstrap themselves, try-try-trying harder, experiencing burnout, and never quite living up to anyone's expectations."

Female Stars Step Off the Scale
"Theirs is a celebration of moderate immoderation that clashes with the prevailing tendency to go always to the furthest edge of excess, especially when the subject is weight."


Can a Mom Get a Break

"Yes, we are a looks-obsessed culture. One of our greatest virtues as humans is our desire to constantly improve. But in the same way that women can have it all, the notion that instantly stick-thin figures after birth are normal is untrue. Sometimes, in my sleep-deprived nights, I ponder our ideal of this near-emaciated, sexy and well-dressed Frankenmom we’ve created and wonder how to undo her. Even just a little bit.

Not only for the pressure to let up on me, and you, but also perhaps so my little baby girl can one day love her own children, too, without hating her body at the same time."

Stay Sexy or Else? Well Please Forgive These Mommy Hips
"Even more, the stay-sexy-or-else message ultimately admits that marriage may be a conditional arrangement. The bottom line: Your husband can leave at any time… unless you give him a reason to stay. What effect will this even tacit admission have on the relationship? I think of Anna Karenina. As the story progresses, no amount of sensual passion and no amount of beauty can act as cement in Anna and Vronsky's relationship. All the pleasures of beauty and sensuality become tainted."

We Don't Need an Excuse
"Newsflash: Kang's priority does not need to be yours. Every mother has her own unique set of circumstances, talents and passions. We could all look around and ask "what's your excuse?" to those who are not pursuing our exact goals (but it wouldn't make a lot of sense, and it smacks of privilege)."

Meet the Mom of 5 Who Says "I'm Much Happier Being Fat"
This isn't to say that thin people aren't happy (duh), but this is to say that being thin is not: A. A cure for sadness or B. A guarantee of happiness.

This is My Body- Imperfect, But Beautiful
We are not just our bodies. We are our stories, our life experiences, our hopes and dreams. But, we also are our bodies, and every one of them is beautiful.

Being Empathetic, Kind, Forgiving, and Generous

How Parents Create Narcissistic Children

"When children are seen by their parents as being more special and more entitled than other children, they may internalize the view that they are superior individuals, a view that is at the core of narcissism," the researchers wrote in a study released online Monday in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. "But when children are treated by their parents with affection and appreciation, they may internalize the view that they are valuable individuals, a view that is at the core of self-esteem."

The Forgiveness Boost
But beyond that, forgiving people are markedly physically healthier than unforgiving ones. A 2005 study published in the Journal of Behavioral Medicinefound that participants who considered themselves more forgiving had better health across five measures: physical symptoms, the number of medications used, sleep quality, fatigue, and medical complaints. The study authors found that this was because the process of forgiveness tamped down negative emotions and stress.


Are You Raising Compassionate Boys
Today, at twelve and nine, they are such caring people part of me wants shield them from the world, and yet, they are precisely the kind of people this world needs. I am proud to watch my boys grow into young men. Are they perfect? Of course not, but they are compassionate people who care about their family, friends, and the world. They care about children, racism, sexism, poverty, and equality. They care, and they speak up, they comfort, they rally, they ask questions. I don’t see how a mother could ask for more. Maybe socks in the hamper and a little less whining? But, they’re kids, remember? 

Teaching Empathy in 5 Easy Steps

It’s absolutely crucial that we teach our children to be empathic – 

even our boys especially our boys. People who lack empathy usually end up with really poor outcomes – broken relationships, legal problems, drug and alcohol abuse, mental illness, etc. etc. etc. If you teach your child only one thing during the years she spends under your roof, empathy would be an excellent choice. 

5 Ways to Raise Them to Be Kind
"Children need to learn to zoom in, by listening closely and attending to those in their immediate circle, and to zoom out, by taking in the big picture and considering the many perspectives of the people they interact with daily, including those who are vulnerable. They also need to consider how their
decisions, such as quitting a sports team or a band, can ripple out and harm various members of their communities. Especially in our more global world, children need to develop concern for people who live in very different cultures and communities than their own."

5 Secrets of Raising Charitable Kids
Charity begins at home -- as does empathy, generosity, kindness, responsibility, honesty and a host of other relationship-building traits that make life worth living. We learn them -- ideally -- from the people closest to us, our parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles. Here's how to help your kids learn them now:

How Can I Teach My Kids Gratitude?
Showing gratitude every minute of every day just isn’t part of what kids do. It’s not that they don’t appreciate what they have and who they are, it’s just that they are always learning and processing and soaking up information. It’s our job to slow them down and teach them to be thankful for what they have. It’s our job to capitalize on the small moments and help our kids stay grounded. It’s our job to model the gratitude that we want our kids to demonstrate each day. Nagging won’t do the trick; that will just send them running.

Raising a Moral Child
The most generous children were those who watched the teacher give but not say anything. Two months later, these children were 31 percent more generous than those who observed the same behavior but also heard it preached. The message from this research is loud and clear: If you don’t model generosity, preaching it may not help in the short run, and in the long run, preaching is less effective than giving while saying nothing at all.

5 Ways Parents Can Teach Their Child to Forgive
We owe it to our children to teach them that forgiveness is the continual process of understanding that, no matter how much they want to have life lived according to their ideas of fairness, it doesn't work that way. When they can see forgiveness doesn't always mean taking a person back who has hurt them, they can breathe. All forgiveness means is accepting that what happened cannot be changed and no amount of their pain, anguish or anger is going to undo what was done.

7 Ways to Foster Gratitude in Kids

We must all do our part to help kids develop into moral adults, who will contribute to a world of compassion and care. But, while there’s no quick fix for cultivating gratitude in young people, the more we remain committed to it, the more rewards we’ll reap. Indeed, by bringing out the best in our kids, we can only imagine what blessings Generation Grateful could bring. Anything worthwhile takes a lot of time and effort. It’s up to all of us to make it happen.

11 Tips for Instilling True Gratitude in Your Kids
Teaching our kids to say "thank you" is important, but truly instilling a sense of gratitude in them is another matter entirely. Gratitude goes beyond good manners -- it's a mindset and a lifestyle.

Egalatarian, Complementarian, and Patriarchy

Should an Egalitarian Attend a Complementarian Church

"Are you able to stay in community with a church where you have major differences? Would you stay or would you go? Would you attend a complementarian church while you are an egalitarian?"

I Disagree with Candace Cameron Bure About "Biblical Marriage"

"In a Christian marriage, Christ is meant to be the head of our homes, and within marriage, we are meant to submit to one another - even as Candace Cameron Bure rightly defines it, “so, it is meekness, it is not weakness. It is strength under control, it is bridled strength.”

Yes, yes, it is. For both men and women."

My Wife and I are Partners

"I’m not interested in hashing out arguments that have stalemated. I am, however, interested in offering my voice to the conversation that says wifely submission has something to do with advancing the kingdom of God. At best, this is a poorly articulated understanding of God’s dream for us. At worst, it’s a tool used in a battle for control and satisfaction that often leads to abuse."

Sexual Complementarity: A Dangerous Debate

"Sexual complementarity is not only incorrect; it is also dangerous. In today’s society, where speeches have an indeterminate shelf life, overly authoritative words can carry damaging consequences. This teaching too easily leads to spousal abuse. The logic goes like this: “Pastor David says that I am the authority in the home and so you will do what I want and if not, there will be consequences.” And Platt never mentioned anything about consequences for non-compliance."

4 Common Misconceptions about Egalitarianism

"Well, here’s the thing:  I’m egalitarian, and I believe there are differences between men and women too. Some are (clearly) biological, others are (possibly) biological, and still others are socially conditioned. What makes me egalitarian is the fact that I do not believe those differences to be universal, prescriptive, or indicative of hierarchy. "

Is Patriarchy Really God's Dream for the World

"The question at the bottom of it all is this: Does patriarchy—(man's rule over woman)—represent God’s ideal for the world, or is it a result of sin?  The struggle is not between complementarianism and egalitarianism, or between traditional and non-traditional roles, but between patriarchy and equality."

What Does It Look Like to Be a Christian Feminist

In response, I believe it is time for Christians to rethink feminism. How do we address secular feminist concerns? What will we do to create hospitality to feminists in churches? Whether or not we call ourselves Christian feminists, God calls us to be lights in a crooked, messed up world (Philippians 2:15). Opportunities for responding to feminist concerns are great; hopefully the workers won’t be few.

Is Feminist a Baptist Word

I became a feminist not by reading Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem but by reading the Apostle Paul, who offered the magna carta of Christian freedom: “… there is no longer male nor female; for all of you are one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28). He did not mean, obviously, that we cease to be gendered humans; rather, he meant that religious privilege in patriarchal structures was coming to an end.

The Day I Thought An Egg Ruined My Life
"It’s a lie of Patriarchy that says the most spent, silent woman wins."

When a Jesus Feminist Comes Home to A Jesus Feminist
“If a woman is held back, minimized, pushed down, or downplayed, she is not walking in the fullness God intended for her as his image bearer, as he ezar warrior. If we minimize our gifts, hush our voice, and stay small in a misguided attempt to fit a weak and culturally conditioned standard of femininity, we cannot give our brothers the partner they require in God’s mission for the world.”

Culture War Articles

Are the Culture War 'Victories' Worth the Casualties

So to the culture warriors, I plead: Before you wage the next campaign, assess the potential collateral damage and ask yourself if it's worth it. Remember that the fruit of the Spirit is not power or might, influence or entitlement. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control, and "against such things, there is no law" (Galatians 5:23).

Don't Be Defined By What You're Against
In building our platform on what we are against we have often neglected to establish a foundation of what we are for. As a result we are not often known by our love and grace to the community outside our walls.

What if we changed our approach? What would the Church look like if the first impression we gave outsiders was not one of judgment? What if we were known for our compassion, our connections, our graciousness, helpfulness and concern, rather than our separateness or our rules?

A Handy Guide to Christian Outrage

If our goal is to demonstrate God’s love and help others find that same love and comfort in the faith, outrage just doesn’t work. It’s like choosing a guy with a really loud, whiney, high-pitched voice as your corporate spokesperson.

The Greatest False Idol of Modern Christianity

When your God isn’t big enough, you’ll try to do in others what you’ve decided He wants, instead of actually trusting Him to do it Himself.

I really feel for Christians whose Jesus seems so integral to personal salvation in the afterlife, and so useless for the life we live now.

The Heresy of 'Keeping Christ in Christmas'
Finally, at the core of the problem is that any time people of faith chant slogans or mandate parade themes like “keeping Christ in Christmas” or “Put Christ back in Christmas” we prove ourselves people of little faith.  When these are our battle cries we reduce the presence and power of God to only be where a government or law allows God.  When we do this we deny that God was there before us, is there with us now and will be there long after we are gone.  When we try to force God on others we reincarnate some of the worst epochs of our religious history, and default on its core founding principles of Love, Grace and Hospitality.  When we assume these seats of power and belligerently insist that we take priority and our voice is the only that matters we are not representing the man who called for humility, peacemaking. meekness and self sacrifice.  What we do is become pawns in larger economic and political narratives, not the narrative of Christ as found in the Bible.  We do not serve the one we call the Prince of Peace, we serve corporate America, politicians who use religion for their platforms and men and women who ride the coat tails of Jesus straight to power.



Does God Need Our Defense
What if Christians actually laid down their honor, their pride, their instincts to get defensive? What if we beat our swords into plowshares and answered every attack with love, with a still small voice that never wavered, but never raised?

It would mean that we are finally imitators of Jesus, and every last one of the accusations leveled against us—that we are hateful, hypocrites, selfish, narrow-minded and backward—would no longer be true.