Carleton and Corder's Birth Story

At 11:15pm on Monday night July 7th Noah and I went to the hospital. Isaac stayed with Marmee and Gran Gran. The waiting room was pretty much full when we got there. There were a couple of families and a couple of waiting pregnant women. We signed in and found a seat and waited. We waited for a long time but we were in no hurry since we were there to be induced. I felt bad that I was depriving Noah of sleep because he was supposed to be able to sleep once we got in the labor and delivery room. Noah read in his summer reading book for school and I think I even fell asleep at one point. 

At 1:30am we were called back to an open labor and delivery room. The nurse apologized for our wait but we were fine. Once we got in the room I got prepped for the bed and they put on the three belly bands and monitors; one for Baby A, one for Baby B, and one for contractions. She had a really hard time finding the babies. Both babies were wide awake and were moving around like crazy. They kept jumping off the monitors. Another nurse went ahead and put an IV in my hand but didn't connect it to anything because we were waiting until the morning. By the time we had filled out our paper work, gotten the babies on the monitor, and were ready it was after 3:00am. Noah really wasn't getting any sleep. I turned on the television and tried to sleep as well but it was too hard. The bands itched like crazy, I felt like I was on fire. Also because Baby A was so low and Baby B was in the crook of my leg, in order to keep the monitors on the babies I had to be lying on my back when all I wanted to do was sit up. Every time the nurse left, I would carefully try to position myself into a comfortable position but eventually she would have to come back and try to find the babies and move me back to a very uncomfortable position.

It was a pretty unpleasant night, but fortunately it was only about two hours long. At 5:00am she hooked me up to the pitocin. She said she would put it at its lowest setting and very very slowly bump it up every half hour or hour. She did a cervical check before she started the pitocin and low and behold I was 3.5 centimeters dilated. I had still been closed at my appointment earlier in the day on Monday. So that was very encouraging. The doctor had told us that the hardest part of the labor would be getting it started and me dilated enough to break my water. Once my water had been broken it would be faster and smoother.

I asked her about an epidural and she said that most people didn't get the epidural when the pitocin first started. I really wanted the epidural, I had read that those pregnant with twins should always have it because the risk of c-section is so great that you need to have had it on the chance you will wind up with a c-section. Also, I was already in a lot of pain.

My belly had been stretched so thin. The lower part of my belly was supporting such weight it was always bumpy and sore. My skin was so very very itchy. The babies were putting so much pressure on my cervix it was almost unbearable. 

Once the pitocin started, my contractions started too. Noah and I could see them rise and fall on the monitor and I could feel them. For the first time, I put some of those breathing excersises to use to help with the pain. I knew that this nurse would be leaving soon for shift change, so I decided that once the new nurse got there, I would ask for the epidural.

7am was the shift change and we got two new nurses who were in charge. One nurse spent a lot of time with me and the other nurse tried to get the machine ready for the twins that wouldhelp them breathe should they need it. I wasn't fully aware of what was going on over there but she was having a lot of trouble with the machine. She called in at least three different people to help her and they even rolled one out and athe new one in to see if that would work but they really couldn't get it to work because they could get one bag to fill with air at a time but now two bags. She told me we probably wouldn't need this anyway. 

They kept increasing my pitocin level and I asked for the epidural. They called for the anetheseologist but he was somewhere else with a c-section patient. 

The on-call doctor came by and asked if our doctor was delivering us and we told him that our doctor was.

When the anetheseologist arrived finally I was very ready but very scared. Epidurals are very scary. I sat up and leaned forward. One of the nurses was really helpful and help my shoulders and kept me calm. THe anetheseologist wasn't a very good people person. Once he had put in the needle he started saying 'o crap' over and over again. I wished he would have just kept that in his head, he made me so nervous. He told me to say something if I got a bad taste in my mouth and my mouth did feel a bit numb so I told him that and he said he thought so. The needle had gone in a blood vessel so he had to pull everything out and do it all over again in a new place. The new place worked and the epidural was in. It doesn't hurt very badly but it is a very very weird sensation. I was so glad the second one tookd and he administored the medicine. 

After the epidural took hold, I felt the weight of the world drop off of me. For months I had felt so bad and so stretched. My skin was constantly itching, there was constant pressure on my left hip and my cervix. I had been having contractions on and off. There was no position that could make me comfortable. I could barely change positions at all. Any sudden movement would result in a pull and pain. But once the epidural took place, I felt free. I didn't feel the pressure or the itching or the contractions. I could lie in any position. For the past nine months, I had struggled to fall asleep, stay asleep, or be asleep and at all, and now I felt so relaxed, I could barely stay awake even as I labored. 

I drifted in and our of consciousness as the nurses came back and forth to our room to monitor the contractions and babies' heart rates. Noah was amused at how high and delirious I was. It was the most relaxed I had felt and would feel for a long time. It was a short reprieve for the life of pregnancy to the life of newborn parenthood.

The doctor arrived at around 9:00 to break my water. He checked me and I was about seven centimeters dilated. We were making good and fast progress. He said he would be back soon.

I continued to drift in and out of consciousness and around 10:30 or so, we were ready. The room was really abuzz as we got ready. At one point there were five nurses, two for me and three for the babies, and two doctors, my doctor and the on-call doctor. The nurses had two stations set up for the babies and were preparing for them. My nurses were on either side of me. The doctor had his trey set up with all sorts of equipment and they laid down all sorts of sheets and pads and scrubs. 

It was time to push. Pushing Baby A, Carleton out was not too difficult. He arrived at 11:05am, even faster than Isaac had. I pushed for probably five or six contractions, with three or four pushes on each contraction. The nurses were great, they would count to ten as I pushed and then tell me to take a deep breath and do it again. We did really well with Carleton. He didn't come out screaming as Isaac had, but he fussed and gurgled and they whisked him away to the warming/bathing/apgar station. Noah got to cut the cord as they placed him on my chest right before they took him away. Noah followed him over to the station and the nurses told Noah to get out his camera. Noah took pictures and looked after Carleton as we prepared to push again. 

Baby B was higher up so we had a lot more pushing to do. The doctor broke my water again and it GUSHED. I had never noticed my water breaking before, but this was something truly dramatic. I couldn't believe how much water there was.

Since everything was going well, the on- call doctor ended up leaving. Carleton was cleaned up and put in a blanket and hat and Noah was able to hold him and walk around the room as we pushed with Baby B, Corder. I had to push for about forty minutes to get Corder out. He was so high up, I couldn't feel the pressure of him to help guide my pushing. It was much harder to push with Corder. They kept telling me to push harder but since I couldn't feel much of anything, it was difficult. We pushed for many more contractions than we had for Carleton. As he got down lower, I could start feeling the pressure, and pushing became easier. I must have been tired even with the epidural because as I was supposed to push four times on each contraction, I could feel myself getting weaker each time. I only had power for the first two pushes and the last two would be really weak. The doctor said his heart rate was dipping just a bit during the contractions and he decided to help pull him out with the vacuum. A few more pushes later, I could feel the extreme pressure of him being right there. Next contraction, he was out. Like Carleton, he fussed but didn't scream. They put him on my chest, Noah cut the cord, and he was whisked away to baby warming.

The doctor then finished the delivery and gave me my stitches and left. 

Mom and Isaac were the first ones into the delivery room. Mom stayed behind the curtain because she had been running a fever. Isaac came in and saw Noah hold Carleton. Noah showed him Carleton, and his first question was 'Where's Corder?' They showed him Corder ont he warming station. Isaac came over and saw me. He seemed to completley understand that we were in the hospital to meet Carleton and Corder just as we had told him and read to him.

Mom left and Mrs. McQueen and Dad came in. Isaac was still with us. Mrs. McQueen got to hold babies. Isaac started feeling more comfortable with the situation and started becoming more animated. Dad took Isaac back out to the waiting room and Patti came in. Mrs. McQueen and Patti took lots of pictures of the babies and us. Then they left.

The nurses were able to get me into the wheel chair and handed me both babies. We had stayed in the recovery room much longer than we had with Isaac. They had been bathed in the recover room and we waited to make sure they could keep their temperature up. 

Noah carried our things, and I carried the babies as we were wheeled up to our room.

Autumn Bucket List

 The Gilmore Girls
The Gilmore Girls

Starbucks' Pumpkin Spice Latte and Scone
Starbucks

Halloween Costume
Monkey Costume

Birmingham Zoo's Boo at the Zoo
Boo at the Zoo

Huntsville Botanical Gardens' Scarecrow Trail
Scarecrow Trail

Tate Farm
Tate Farm

Green Mountain
Green Mountain

Monte Sano State Park
Monte Sano

Carve a Pumpkin

Apple Craft

Leaf Craft

Pumpkin Craft

Halloween Craft

Turkey Craft

Thanksgiving Dinner

Gatlinburg 
Gatlinburg

Cracker Barrel Baked Apple Dumpling
Cracker Barrel

Football Game

Hocus Pocus

Overreaction or a Racket?

Noah and I were prepared for Isaac, we spent months carefully planning and budgeting. We scheduled work over the summer at several camps so we could afford for me to change jobs. We called the insurance company several times to assure that everything was prepared for us to change policies. We budgeted our money so that we could afford to set up a nursery. We went to childbirth and parenting classes, and toured the hospital. We decided where we wanted to invest money and where we didn't. We decided to not spend the $150 on the 4-D ultrasound pictures, we also decided not to have professional pregnancy pictures made, and we decided to not spend a lot of money on professional newborn portraits; we wanted to wait and invest money in six month portraits. Knowing that I would be without pay for almost two months was a bit of a stretch for us, but we knew we could make it because I would continue to play harp gigs that December starting when Isaac was three weeks old, and we had enough gigs lined up to cover the loss of my normal paycheck. Everything would be fine, but there was no wiggle room for those first couple of weeks. 

After I had given birth to Isaac, I was given a checklist from the hospital. This checklist told me all the things that would happen during my hospital stay, shots, tests, ect.. One of the things on this checklist was to have my baby's picture taken. The professional photographer came by our room and told us she would be by later, but she was very busy and would be back soon. I knew there was a professional photographer at the hospital and had even brought an outfit for Isaac for this occasion. The photographer came back, and took pictures of Isaac and the left. I didn't think anything of it. 

But...

The next day she returned. She came in after editing the pictures and showed us the slideshow on her ipad. While the slideshow shifted through the 17 beautiful pictures of our son, for whom we had prayed so hard, some horribly sappy music played in the background. I was so pleased, I hadn't expected them to be so nice. Then she gave us a pamphlet with the prices, pointed out the package deals, and the deal that 'most parents' bought.

$300.

The package she wanted us to buy was $300. My heart sank. I collapsed in tears. This was the first time I had cried since Isaac had been born. I'm a bit of a picture fanatic, pictures mean a great deal to me, and these were lovely pictures, the loveliest pictures I had ever seen.

My family talked me down a bit, I didn't need that package. It included all sorts of things I didn't even want, like birth announcement cards that I never had any intention of sending. What I wanted was just the pictures, that picture c.d. That cost $125.

For months and months after, every time I related this story, I would choke on my words because this is what gets me:

Noah and I could afford it. We had no money in our bank account for almost a week after, but all our bills had already been paid. We hadn't planned for that purchase, but the money was there.

I would imagine for many families in that hospital, that money is not there. It would not be merely an inconvenience, it would not be a struggle they could make, it would be an impossibility.

I know if seems such a petty thing. We should count our blessings, a healthy baby and mother, and family, food for our children, clothing on our backs, shelter over our heads, money to pay the rent: I know that these are the things that matter.

But...

You've just given birth, your hormones are crazy, you are proud of this child and they take these pictures, show them to you in some hyped up way, play up your emotions and then ask you to pay hundreds of dollars for these pictures.

I would imagine some people don't care at all, but I can't help but think that there are those who do care, who would love these pictures that they take, put on your checklist no less, but just can't afford them. 

It seems cruel to me.

I told Noah, if we are blessed with a second child, the photographer will come and take the baby's pictures, but she is not allowed back in the room with her slideshow and music. When she comes back, Noah will just hand her the check (and we will budget for this), take the c.d. and put it away until I am prepared to look at it.

My heart breaks as I imagine the emotions that course through the woman who is filled with the emotions of pregnancy and childbirth, who might worry about providing for the child as she's forced to sift through these idyllic pictures which she cannot afford.

Faith and Chicken Counting

Well, the house is a mess. It was clean and cute and ready to for the world in February but in March, every thing broke down and we haven't caught up yet. 

On March 3rd, I found out I was pregnant and we were due to become a family of four on November 11th. But this second pregnancy was different. While waiting for Isaac, I was ready. I was ready to change the house. I was ready to change our lives. I was ready for the financial change. I was ready to change my job. I was ready to change. But this time, I was unsure. I feared there was no space for change in the house. I feared the change in our lives. I feared the financial change. I feared a change in jobs. I was afraid to change.

In those first newly married dreams, I always envisioned us as a family of six. Family; that was my main priority and my ultimate goal. But how quickly and easily I fell. 

The stress of work, balancing childcare schedules, finances, church commitments, community involvement, harp practice and harp gigs, weight loss and body image, keeping the house picked up and clean, eating healthily; it all seems too much. I feel like I barely can keep my head above water and though everything gets done, nothing is done the best. It felt almost selfish to wish for another child, that that was a burden our family could not handle.

But then, that choice was not mine. The child was there. I was happy but I was afraid. I felt guilty for this fear. This had been my longing, my prayer, to have a big family. I felt guilty for the pregnancy. This would be another responsibility for our family.

We didn't immediately tell everyone this time, but we did tell very early on. There was excitement. There was planning. There was joy. And I felt relieved and grateful.

We could do this. We aren't rich, but we are solid. We have support. God has provided for us always, He won't stop now. It will take extra effort and sacrifice but we have been progressing this way already. Family is not a burden.

But then, those plans were gone. It's amazing the journey you can take in just two weeks. 

I knew that something was not right. Though constantly assured by the doctor's office that this was all potentially perfectly normal, I feared. For days, I went to work, I went to church, I met with family, not knowing if there was life inside me or not. It was horrible. I would go to the bathroom a hundred times a day to see how much blood there was and there was never a lot, but it was always there. I couldn't wish the blood away.

I deleted the 'due date' off my calendar for November.

My life went on, it never even blinked. There were still classes to teach, concerts to direct, harp gigs to play, and a child to love and care for. Survive until summer.

But Now it's time to get serious and do some deep cleaning, organizing, and revamping, but hey, that's what summer is all about for two school teachers. It's time to stop surviving, to catch up, and start thriving.

Though it's pretty typical for us to invest time during the summer to some extent of culling, cleaning, reorganizing, redecorating, and revamping, this summer was set to be a major overhaul. With a now active toddler and the ever accumulation of new toys and clothes, it has become apparent that we need more storage and a new organizational structure to keep up. 

But this summer, we'll go one step further. Stepping out in faith, we're preparing the house. We're preparing our lives. We're preparing our finances. We're preparing our jobs. We are preparing.  It won't be in November, and we have no idea when, but we'll be ready.

A Promise

I do not yet know who you are. I touched you for an instant but could not quite hold on.

I pondered if we were ready to start a quest for you. I did not realize then that that choice was not ours.

I was unsure about your presence. I worried for the money, space, and change.

I was grateful for your presence. I loved you even then.

I felt you slip away from us. I knew it was not meant to be.

I pray that we will meet someday and I'll hold you in my arms. I promise that we will continue to prepare.



You do not need all new things. You will grow through sharing.

You do not need my fear. You will grow through faith.

You do not need my anger. You will grow through love.



I promise I will grow as well as we wait for you. To be the wife you need to see and the mother who provides. I want to be a reflection for you of Christ's love and mercy.



I have searched and waited once before and was amazed at God's new blessing. I will search and wait for you and rejoice in His deemed timing. 


A Surprise Joy and Loss

Isaac's First Year

Firsts

First Day Home: November 23, 2011

First Doctor's Visit: November 25, 2011

First Trip to Scottsboro: November 25, 2011

First Sponge Bath: November 26, 2011

First Sink Bath: November 28, 2011

First Church Trip: November 30, 2011

First Smile: Two Weeks Old

First Time in Church Nursery: December 25, 2011

First Trip to Nashville: December 26, 2011

First Trip to Birmingham: January 1, 2012

First Time to Sleep Through the Night: February 9, 2012

First Time to Play with Toys: February 18, 2012

First Time Laughing: Two Months Old

First Solid Food: Gerber's Rice Cereal March 21, 2012

First Time to Sit Alone: March 16, 2012

First Beach Trip: May 4, 2012

First Time To Sit Himself Up: June 22, 2012

First Belly Crawl: June 19, 2012

First Consonants: June 26, 2012

First Time to Crawl: June 28, 2012

First Time to Pull Up: June 30, 2012

First Tooth: July 12, 2012

First Time Walking: October 1, 2012

First Time Putting An Object into a Canister: November 12, 2012

Statistics

Birth: 20.5 Inches and 8lb 2oz

Two Weeks: 221/8 Inches and 9lb 5oz

Two Months: 23 Inches and 13lb 2oz

Four Months: 26 Inches and 14lb 14.5oz

Six Months: 27.5 Inches and 17lb 1oz

Nine Months: 19lb

Eating

Isaac is a very good eater. He eats almost anything he is given. He eats lots of Gerber raviolis, macaroni and cheese with vegetables, cheese quesadillas, guacamole, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, green beans, chicken, saltine crackers, Gerber crunchies, bananas, cheerios, yogurt, and Gerber fruit squeezes. 

At 4 months, Isaac started drinking apple juice. He loved apple juice until he began at 11.5 months drinking whole milk mixed with some chocolate milk.

Sleeping

Unfortunately, sleeping is our biggest issue. Isaac usually wakes up once during the night to drink a bottle of milk. He also really struggles sleeping in his crib. He will sleep in his crib for maybe 3-4 hours but will wake up and want to get in bed with us. Isaac sleeps in our bed a whole lot. Isaac still takes two naps a day for the most part; a morning nap and an afternoon nap.

Playing

Isaac is great at playing. He loves to play by himself. He loves his Pat the Bunny book, his board books, his blocks, his little people animals from his Noah's Ark, his nubby ball, drums, xylophones, shakers, puzzle pieces, and rubber ducks. His favorite thing to do is explore, he loves to observe his surroundings. He likes to try and climb.

Temperment

Isaac has a pretty good temperment. He definitely can have toddler moments. He has thrown some slight temper tantrums when he doesn't get his way, but he is pretty easy to calm down. He is very generous with his smiles and definitely shows a love of life and of people. He's never had a long crying spell.

Out and About

Isaac goes every where. He goes to church twice a week, he goes to school choir practices, and community choir practices. Isaac has been to orchestra rehearsals and all sorts of concerts. Isaac goes out to eat regularly and goes to the Little Gym and Gymboree occasionally. Isaac is definitely a baby about the town.

Learning

We are trying our best to teach Isaac what to do rather than what not to do and punish him. We teach Isaac to keep our books on the shelf and that the trash stays in the trash can. He does a pretty good job of listening to us. He definitely understands but sometimes wants to do what he wants to do. When times like this arise, we distract him by showing something else. When he wants to touch a cord or something dangerous we say 'no' and 'dangerous'. Isaac is definitely doing a good job of going off of furniture or stairs 'feet first'. We like to encourage Isaac to explore his surroundings and learn by doing. 

I just watched 'The Business of Being Born' and here are some of my thoughts.
The Business of Being Born

I was induced. I had a really fast and really easy labor. I tell people all the time, that I had a good experience. Here is a recommendation I gave someone who was asking about being induced on a mommy forum on May 24, 2012.

I think when making this decision there are a lot of factors to consider. 1. I have heard it said that one day in the womb is like one week outside. Your baby needs to grow inside you for as long as possible. Most doctors do not recommend any inducement before 39 weeks. 2. How far along are you. Are you dilated, has the baby dropped, what is your percent for effacement? I think these things will factor into how smooth your inducement goes. I'll tell you my story. At my doctor's appointment at 39 weeks and four days, I was 75% effaced and 2-3 centimeters dilated. My doctor scheduled my inducement for the next Monday at 40 weeks and 4 days but said that there was a good chance I wouldn't make it. Well, come next Monday, at 40 weeks and 4 days, my husband and I went to the hospital at 5am. We were hooked up and ready to go by 6am. I had a pitocin drip and at about 8:30, the doctor came in and broke my water and then they put me on a constant flow of pitocin. Everything was fine until the constant flow, and then things got kind of painful, I had an epidural and felt better immediately. At 11:00 I had some pain again and the nurse checked me and said I was ready to push. At 11:55pm my baby was born. It happened super quickly, it was not painful or uncomfortable. Because I was a scheduled inducement, my doctor delivered the baby and I was really happy about that. Because I was 75% effaced I did not have to do cervadil and I didn't have to go in the night before. Having a scheduled inducement was the right decision for us but I was past my due date and had naturally progressed as well. The only thing that went wrong was the baby's heart rate started dropping while I pushed, so they decided to get him on out, so they used the vacuum puller and I had an episiotomy and he was out in like a total of four sets of pushing but I don't think that was related to the inducement. Good luck, make the decision that is best for you. Most people are going to have all sorts of opinions, but listen to your doctor and make the right call for you and your baby!!

I would say, for the most part even after watching this documentary and reading what other's have said, I still stand by this post, but some parts of the documentary hit very close to things that I experienced. Here is a link to Isaac's birth story that I wrote on November 26, 2011, five days after he was born. Isaac's Birth Story

1. Isaac's heart rate dropped. Every time I pushed, Isaac's heart rate fell. This caused some concern for the nurse and the doctor but neither of them ever mentioned a c-section. Instead, they decided to do an episiotomy and use the vacuum. I really don't think he'll have long term negative effects because of this and quite frankly I'm not fretting about future learning disabilities and such. When I first saw him, his head shape was out of control. The top of his head was completely pulled up and misshapen. They put a hat on his head, so no one else in our family ever saw it and by the time we got upstairs his head was round again.

I don't know if the pitocin had anything to do with his heart rate drop or not, but the documentary would suggest that the use of pitocin makes contractions harsher for both the mother and the baby. The documentary says the mother doesn't feel them because most mothers who have had pitocin have epidurals (like I did) and can't feel the pain, but it still affects the baby because the harder contractions cause the baby some distress.

2. Bonding. The moment Isaac was born and they put him on my chest, I just felt overwhelmed, stressed, and all this pressure to be the best mother in the world with all these eyes on me. I felt like I was supposed to say something beautiful, show an appropriate emotion, or sing a meaningful song. I actually felt relieved when they took him away to clean him up. I haven't beat myself up about this because I had heard even before giving birth that this was a possibility. This dazed feeling certainly did not last forever. I did have the 'baby blues' for maybe two weeks but I definitely bonded with Isaac. I did not have post-partum depression and Isaac and I bonded quickly and strongly.

According to the documentary though, pitocin also affects the mother's immediate bonding with her baby. The documentary suggests that oxytocin is the natural hormone involved in inducing labor and while pitocin can mimmick some of the effects of oxytocin such as dialation and effacement, it cannot provide the same 'bonding' instincts that women experience who have not had pitocin. I don't know if I can blame the pitocin for all my feelings. Quite frankly, I'm just easily overwhelmed and it takes me a while to get my bearings and adjust. I'm actually quite pleased with how well I adjusted to life as a new mother.

3. Breastfeeding. I took the breastfeeding class but was still not 100% sure before giving birth what our plan would be. As soon as Isaac had gotten cleaned up and we were waiting to go upstairs to the well-baby floor, I tried to breastfeed. I knew that the best time to breast feed was within the first hour after birth. I was left alone in the room, the nurse left and there were no lactation consultants down on the labor and delivery floor. I had no idea what to do. I tried to breastfeed, but Isaac just slept. I couldn't wake him up. Isaac was an extremely sleepy baby for the first three months of his life.

I can't remember if the documentary touched on this or not, but I have read that epidurals make babies sleepier and consequently breastfeeding harder. Halfway through our hospital stay with our sleepy Isaac, I gave up and started pumping. It was so much easier to bottle feed Isaac his colustrum and so we just stuck with pumping and bottle feeding. We bottle fed Isaac breast milk for a little over four months and then switched to formula. Again, I don't know if the epidural was what made Isaac so sleepy or not.


I know I would never do a home birth. The reason we chose the hospital we did, was because they had a NICU. Thankfully, we did not need the NICU but I am so glad we were at a hospital that had one.

Maybe I'm too picky and expect too much. All in all, no matter what, I was blessed with a beautiful healthy boy and I was completely healthy as well. God was watching over that day and I will be eternally grateful to our doctor whom we trusted and obviously made good decisions for us.

Weighty Thoughts

You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy......

than you do in the comments section of a news article. At least in my opinion. I'm a complete sadist. I read and continue to read comment after comment continually upset by what people say and how they say it. 

Here are two New York Times articles I have read in the past few months and I just want to write down my concerns with the message in both the content of the article and especially what you will find in the comment section. 

New York Times Article

Another New York Times Article

Both of these articles deal with weight. The first article is about how female actresses and especially comedians are embracing their fuller figures and being just 'a little bit heavy'. The second article talks about the pressure to lose all your baby weight in a matter of weeks and return to your pre-baby body. 

Weight is something with which I have always struggled. Well, it started in the fourth grade. I remember clearly that one day in p.e. class when another girl mentioned something about how thin some other classmates were and for the first time ever I realized I was not thin. Once this realization hit me, it didn't leave my mind ever again. I spent the last part of my elementary years, and all of my middle school and high school years in a constant state of inferiority because I was not thin. Here's the thing though..... I wasn't overweight. I wasn't obese. At my heaviest weight in high school, my Express jeans were a size 8 and I weighed about 140 pounds. 

In college I continued to fluctuate, I got down to 128 by the end of freshman year, but was back up to 138 by the end of the summer. I also began to live a more active lifestyle. I started running. But in the second half of my sophomore year, I got serious. I counted EVERY calorie that entered my body. I tried to keep my calories below 1300 a day. And I lost weight. By October of my junior year in college I weighed 112 pounds. I was as thin as I could possibly make myself be. I will say this, I was always cold and I stopped menstruating (well for just a couple of months). I mostly kept my weight down after that, I slowly drifted up and by the time I got pregnant I was weighing around 125 pounds. Even after college, I continued my weekly exercise routine but using the elliptical machine instead of running.

 During my first trimester I ate, and ate, and ate and didn't exercise at all. Quite frankly, I was just scared. I was pretty much petrified that I would lose the baby. I gained a whole lot of weight during that first trimester. By my second and third trimester I resumed my exercise routine and curbed my eating and even though my weight gain slowed down, by the end of my pregnancy, I weighed 184 pounds. So I definitely gained more weight that 'doctors recommend'. My doctor never mentioned anything to me. After Isaac was born, I lost 40 pounds in 4 months without trying (I was pumping breastmilk though). Since March, I have weighed 144 pounds. 

So yeah, I still weigh about twenty pounds more now, than I did before I got pregnant and yes, it bums me out, but...  honestly, I don't want to be that thin ever again. It was pretty miserable eating so little and being so hungry. I'm 5'4" and according to weight watchers my healthy weight range is 117-146 pounds. My body mass index is in the healthy range (the higher end of healthy but still healthy). So yes, ideally I will lose weight. I'm increasing the amount of exercise I do going from 20-40 minute sessions 3-5 times a week to 40-60 minute sessions 3-5 times a week. I'm also doing these thigh exercises I find on pinterest, because that's where most of me weight is lurking. 

I just think that there is a difference in being obese and unhealthy and not being a size 0. There is a middle ground. Yes, you are still healthy even if you are not stick thin. Quite frankly, for most people, I think you are actually healthier if you are not stick thin. 

I don't want to say that I'm embracing my 'fuller figure' or I'm happy with a 'few extra pounds'. What really hit my hard, is the fact that I teach middle school girls. If I call myself fat, what does that say to them? So yes, I definitely believe that being healthy is important. I know that I need to do a better job at eating healthier foods, I already do a pretty good job at exercising regularly, and maybe for my height, losing a few more pounds and getting a little farther away from that high end of the normal body mass index would do me some good. But, I'm not fat, I am not unhealthy, and I am not going to starve myself or go to any extreme to lose weight. 

Music Products We Have Loved

I Know This List Will Be A Work In Progress.....

Singing with Isaac!

Before Isaac was born, Noah and I went through this book and put tab post-it notes on 31 different lullabies in both Spanish and English (and one in French) that we chose to be 'Isaac's lullabies'. Most nights before we fell asleep while I was still pregnant, we would sing through all 31 of them. We haven't sung through them all in a set since he was born, but these are or go-to lullabies and all that practice we did before he was born has paid off in our hopes to learn these songs ourselves.

The Book of Lullabies Compiled by John M. Feierabend

Another John M. Feierabend book we have used religiously (literally) is the Book of Church Songs and Spirituals. I used this book when I taught music at Westminster Christian Academy, and still use it for Kindercamp and Kinderchoir at First Baptist Church in Huntsville, and with Isaac everyday. These are the songs I grew up singing, my Mom grew up singing, and we want to pass on to the next generation.

The Book of Church Songs and Spirituals by John M. Feierabend and Madeline Bridges

I've been compiling fun, folk songs from many, many resources for several years now that I've used in classroom settings, camp settings, and church settings. We sing these songs everyday with Isaac, in the car, during meal times, while we're playing or cuddling, when changing his diaper, or getting him dressed. Here are just some links to a few good books filled with songs.

150 Folk Songs to Sing, Read, and Play

First Steps in Music for Preschool and Beyond

Sing Together Children

Listening with Isaac!


One of the best gifts we received shortly after Isaac was born was a Baby Einstein turtle that lit up and and played music. I was little overwhelmed when we first brought Isaac home because I had no idea how to get him to interact with his surroundings, but one of the first things I could get him to watch and focus on was this turtle. In later months, he learned to press the buttons and play with the turtle himself.

Baby Einstein Baby Neptune Ocean Orchestra Musical Toy

Isaac loved the turtle so much, we bought him what we have affectionately called his ipod because we felt it was a more portable version of the turtle. When he gets into a crying fit in the car, this is one of the fail-safe ways to calm him down.

Baby Einstein Take Along Tunes

We need to do a better job of listening to children's music on long car rides. Though we haven't done a whole lot of listening, I love the style and voice of Jill Trinka who sings only with an auto harp, dulcimer, or guitar accompaniment. This c.d. is full of children's folk music.

There's a Hole in My Bucket

I wish, wish, wish, there was a c.d. of The Book of Church Songs and Spirituals...but there isn't. I found this c.d. at Wal-Mart and we bought it for Isaac. This is the c.d. we have in his c.d. player in his room that we play for him while he's playing, getting dressed, or going to sleep. There are probably better c.d.s out there and I'll be sure to look out for them when browsing at the Christian Book Store.

Little People Sunday School Sing-Along

Playing with Isaac!


Making noise and experimenting with sound is very fun for our 8 month old Isaac. He especially loves drums. Though anything has the potential to be a drum to an 8 month old, playing with real drums is a real treat! This is the drum that Isaac can play because his Marmee has a great selection of drums as an elementary music teacher. Though it's really expensive, there are great smaller and less expensive drums I know he would enjoy too!

Remo Kid's Percussion Rain Forest Gathering Drum

Isaac has really enjoyed shakers as well! Sometimes they are more fun to chew on than actually shake but he definitely has fun!

Gymboree Shape Shakers

Kindermusik Animal Shakers

Isaac's Marmee has a real baby grand piano which is a lot of fun to play! But when we're at home and there is no baby grand, we play our Little Tike's Tap-A-Tune. Isaac's Tap-A-Tune is the old, old version, and not the one they sell in stores today.

Little Tike's Tap-A-Tune Piano (Vintage Version)

I know I'll be adding, and adding to this list in the many months and years to come!

The Facebook Over-Sharer?

Facebook is a completely different place now than it was when I first joined back in March of 2005. I remember so well when Samford students were finally able to join and we all jumped on the band wagon and feverishly began 'friending' one another. It has changed and grown so much since then, with the addition of status updates, pictures, groups, notifications, mini-feeds, comments, and of course the ever popular 'like' button. Back in 2005 it was only for college students who had a college email, but they slowly included more and more groups of people, and now anyone over the age of 13 can have an account. It is no longer just a college thing and hey, those of us who joined back then aren't even in college anymore. What amazes me constantly is how everyone has such varying opinions about what facebook rules should be. What is the correct facebook etiquette? What do people expect from their facebook friends? I think most people have rules that they follow for themselves, but they expect others to follow as well, but are these rules universal?

I admit it, I am a huge facebook addict; I check my facebook account multiple times a day, read all the news in my news-feed and update my profile, status, and pictures regularly, and as of two years ago, I even have facebook on my phone. I have been a facebook addict since 2005. When I got engaged on October 22, 2005 I changed my profile picture to a picture of my new engagement ring (there were no photo albums back then, the profile picture was the only way to upload a picture, there was no 'engaged' relationship status, and also there were no status updates). My friends wrote on my wall and I felt loved and grateful. When facebook added the photo albums (a limit of 60 pictures in one album) I created all sorts of albums and uploaded pictures of my college friends, our Delta Omicron events, my friends' weddings, family holidays, and Noah and me. When they introduced the status update it included the word 'is' For instance: Katie Hoppe is at the library, Katie Hoppe is at the mall. I remember trying to come up with all sorts of creative ways of expressing myself while still remaining grammatically correct within the construct of Katie Hoppe is.... I enjoy facebook, love reading other people's updates, and love making updates of my own, but I realize that not everyone shares this love and I wonder how much is too much and what is our responsibility to be sensitive to others. 

Facebook can be a miserable place though for many people at different times in their life. Though I've always loved facebook, it was a really hard place for me to visit when I was struggling with infertility for three years. It seemed that everyday, someone else was announcing their pregnancy, posting pictures of their baby or ultrasound, or updating their status about their pregnancy or child. I was constantly fighting feelings of jealousy, bitterness, and a deep sadness. At one point I deactivated my facebook for about a week, and at another time, I hid everyone who had children from my 'news feed.'  Although, it isn't just updates about children that can be upsetting, but updates about engagements, marriages, jobs, trips, houses, and other purchases that cause others pain. Is there such a thing as 'over sharing'? Can you update too much? Are there things that we should and should not share on facebook?

I had one friend who did not update her facebook when she got her first job after a year of being a substitute teacher because she knew that there were others out there still struggling to find work and she wanted to be sensitive to them because she remembered what it was like when she was reading constant updates about new jobs when she had been looking and interviewing. I recently had another friend post that she does not put 'belly pictures' up on her facebook, because she remembers how affected she had been by seeing those constant pictures when she was struggling with infertility. This hits me hard. As I mentioned previously, I love updating my facebook but I don't want to hurt anyone. Am I wrong for being such a constant updater on facebook?

I don't have an answer. I am sure many people have firm but varying opinions on this topic and there is no Emily Post book we can consult for facebook etiquette. Everyone has different levels of comfort about sharing their joys and sorrows and everyone has different levels of facebook involvement. Is there such a thing as over sharing on facebook? Where do we draw the line between sharing and over sharing? 

From March 2011-November 2011, I put up 43 posts about or related to pregnancy and updated my profile picture 9 times with belly pictures. 

From November 2011-July 2012, I have posted 69 times either about my baby or mentioning my baby, have updated 7 photo albums 60 times that have pictures of my baby in them, and have updated my profile picture 9 times with a picture of a baby. 

I tried hard to not fall in this trap, but here's my honest truth:

1. I love pictures. I take pictures constantly. I love scrapbooking, organizing pictures, framing pictures, and even posting pictures. 2. I love my son. As hard as it was for me before I had him, I am even more so overjoyed that he is here now. I have considered the idea of creating another facebook account for Isaac, where I would post updates about him and pictures of him there, that way only people who wanted these updates and pictures of him would see them. I will still think this idea over further.

I try my best everyday to never be condescending to anyone, to be sensitive the needs and feelings of others, and respect everyone's current place in life whether by choice or not. I would never and have certainly never meant to assert that my life is more blessed, busier, or more filled than anyone else's. I realize though, I am not perfect, I make mistakes everyday and I am really sorry if I have ever caused anyone pain. . I have been pondering this query of how much to share since March of 2011 and am no closer to an answer. I have enjoyed the community of facebook with sharing and swapping stories, laughs, and advice but acknowledge the possible negative side effects. I guess all I can do is continue to observe the world around me, try to be as attuned as possible, and try to find a good balance.

Month 2

Sleeping

So many things changed daily this past month. At the beginning of the month Isaac was still sleeping like he did as a newborn: pretty much all the time but not through the night. Isaac would wake up every two to three hours throughout the night just to eat. He would sleep in his bassinet right beside us. As Isaac grew older, his awake time became more and more. Starting around five weeks old, he began growing more alert and more awake. As this started, his sleeping at night became less and less. He began fussing more during the first half of the night even when he had already been fed. We've been trying lots of different things. We tried letting him sleep in his car seat which worked really well for a few nights and then he started fussing again. Then we put him back in his bassinet and he slept pretty well for a few nights. Then we started swaddling him and we thought it was working pretty well, but we had a pretty bad night last night, so we'll see what we try next! He wants to stay awake until 3:00am but normally after that he'll sleep until 6:00am. Most days when he wakes up in the morning, he wakes up very happy and loves to just lie in his bassinet and kick and smile, it's hard to leave him to go to school in the mornings!

Feeding

For the first half of this month, I pumped quite a bit and we had so much extra milk in storage. At the beginning of January, I started back to school and started pumping less and less. I can still get quite a bit out at each pumping (always 6-10 ounces on average, sometimes as much as 13!) we are freezing and storing the milk less and using it on a supply and demand status. Because we were afraid of not having enough milk, we went and bought some enfamil infant canned formula. We bought the small 8 ounce cans. Normally, Isaac drinks one can spaced out over two feedings at night, but there have been days when he hasn't had any formula at all. We still have milk in the freezer and I have not ever run out and can still have such a surplus that we freeze more milk to put in the freezer. I was prepared that I might lose my milk and he would have to be formula fed, but for right now were are doing really well and I am producing plenty of milk for him even though we feed hims just a little bit of formula as well occasionally. Isaac is less regular in his eating than he was. He used to eat every 2-3 hours but now he can go as much as 4-5 hours without eating but he sometimes also will want to eat like 2 ounces fall asleep and thirty minutes later wake up and eat a little more. We're still trying to figure out how best to give him his bottle and what amount is a good amount for him, he can eat from 2-5 or sometimes 6 or seven ounces at a time. We usually fill up each bottle with four ounces for each feeding but because we are going out so much we'll fill a bottle up entirely so we have extra while we are out and about. He also started spitting up a whole lot more. He almost always has a little bit of spit up after every feeding but sometimes we over feed him and he spits up a huge, huge, huge amount. We have sometimes been covered in milk ourselves requiring us to have to change clothes as well.

Crying

When Isaac was first born he screamed cried, but he hasn't scream cried yet. In fact, the first month and a half of his life he didn't cry at all; he would fuss but never cry. This began to actually worry us. Even though we were glad he has a good temperment, I began to worry he might have autism because he isn't crying. Lately he has started crying more but it's not much. He will cry for a little bit but he is always consolable and it is never actually an ear piercing scream. We'll keep watching him, but as he grows older he is crying a little bit more than he did.

Growing

Isaac has been growing like a weed. Every week it's amazing how much he has grown. He is getting so much longer and he is filling out so much more. Here at two months he as already outgrown pretty much all 0-3 month clothes, he fills out completely the 3-6 months clothes, and he can even fit into the 6 month clothes. We weighed him a week ago, and he weighs twelve pounds!!! He goes back to the doctor on Monday for his two month appointment.

Playing

Isaac has started to play more. He likes to look at lights. His favorite toys are his light up turtle or his rain forest gym with lights.

Month 1

Visitors
Isaac was born at 11:55am Monday morning on November 21st. Emily and Rush stayed with us in the hospital until 9:00pm that evening. Patti and Gwin left in the afternoon. Mom and Dad came by after school and then again after community chorus rehearsal. Emily Parker came by to visit after school and Jane and Billy Orton came by to visit after community chorus rehearsal. The next day on Tuesday November 22nd, Emily and Rush came back in the morning and stayed all day. The whole McQueen family also came by including Megan, Nathan, Josh, Andrea, and Mrs. and Mr. McQueen. Joy Moore also came to visit on Tuesday and so did two ladies from the church. Ed and Billie Perkins also came by before church choir practice (church was on a Tuesday because it was Thanksgiving week). Mom and Dad came by after school and stayed until church choir practice began.

Feeding
I tried to breastfeed in the labor and delivery room before he was an hour old but it did not work. We tried again when we were in our permanent room with the help of our day nurse. It was difficult to get him to latch because he was so sleepy; when we did get him to latch he didn't suck for very long, he would just fall asleep. She said the lactation consultant would come by the next day to help us. We kept trying throughout the day. The night nurse brought us a breast pump and syringe until the lactation consultant came. The pump worked very well and we were able to put some colustrum in a syringe. We were able to feed him through the syringe but it was very hard work still because he was still very sleep and we kept having to tickle his neck to get him to open up his mouth so we could squirt the colustrum in. It took us about an hour to feed him a few ounces. The next day the lactation consultant came by and she was very happy with our amount of colustrum and she said Isaac was doing a good job of latching. She was able to get him to suck for a good amount of time. We tried again after she left but it didn't go as well without her and it was too stressful for me. I knew I would be going back to work On January 3rd and would have to pump and bottle feed then, so we made the decision to quit trying to breastfeed and just pump and bottle. The rest of the day we continued to pump and syringe feed. The night nurse asked how breastfeeding was going and we told her we had decided to quit and just pump and bottle feed. She said since we were stopping trying to breastfeed we didn't need to use the syringe and she brought us these tiny storage bottles and nipples. We put the colustrum into a storage container with the nipple and what used to take us an hour to feed him now took us less than a minute. He did super well with the bottle! Feeding was a lot less stressful after that. The pediatrician told us we needed to be feeding him about an ounce of colustrum at a time and at first I didn't think I would be able to pump that much but soon I was pumping well over an ounce. As soon as we got home from the hospital on Wednesday, Noah took all the Target gift cards we had been saving and went and bought us our own pump. We hadn't wanted to purchase the really expensive pump until we knew that pumping would work for us. I have been pumping ever since and have had absolutely no trouble with milk supply. My milk came in before Isaac was a week old and has been increasing and increasing really well. I've always been able to pump way more than he eats, so we have a very good store in our freezer. I can pump up to 10 ounces in one sitting so I'm glad we invested in the pump. Isaac is gaining weight really well too. He had gotten down to 7 lb 12 oz in the hospital from his birth weight of 8lb 2 oz but by Friday after he was born he was back up to eight pounds and when he was a week old he had surpassed his birth weight. At three weeks he was 9 lb 5oz, so he's really growing well!

Week 1
The first week was Thanksgiving week so everyone was off work. Our first night out of the hospital was Wednesday night and we stayed at my parent's house. We stayed there Wednesday night, Thursday night, Friday night, Saturday night, and Sunday night. I didn't go home at all those days and Noah would only go home to grab anything we had forgotten or needed. Mom and Dad have a portable crib and a changing table for Isaac that we used. It was nice to be surrounded by family. There was no way to feel lonely. Emily and Rush were there also for much of the week. On Thursday Thanksgiving day, we ordered food from Cracker Barrel. On Friday, we traveled to Scottsboro to see Patti, Gwin, and Molly. Emily and Rush met us there and we had our family Thanksgiving celebration and Isaac's first Thanksgiving.

Week 2
Noah took off the whole week after Thanksgiving break which was great. This was our first week to stay in our own home with Isaac. We were still barely adjusting to life with our new baby, and I was glad we were together. On Wednesday, Isaac went to church for the first time. Noah and I went to orchestra rehearsal and Isaac came too. On Friday, Isaac went to Randolph for the first time. I went to conduct the sixth grade choir with their accompanist. Isaac was great on both his outings, didn't cry at all and just slept. On Saturday we spend the day at Mom and Dad's house again and Emily and Rush came up. On Sunday, Isaac went to his first church service. Isaac slept through the whole service and looked so cute in his Strasburg Lace day gown. It was an overwhelming and amazing feeling to sit in my church service holding our new baby.

Week 3
Noah went back to work this week and I stayed home alone with Isaac. Though I had been really scared of staying home alone with him, by the time Noah actually did go back to work we had already begun adjusting and everything went really well. This week, Isaac and I went to school every day. On Monday and Tuesday we went to sixth grade choir practice to practice for the choir concert on Thursday. On Wednesday, Isaac and I went to the middle school assembly in the afternoon where I conducted the sixth grade choir. He also went to church orchestra practice on Wednesday night. He stayed in his car seat right next to the harp for almost the whole rehearsal, but after an hour and a half he got hungry so we went out to the hallway to eat. On Thursday, Isaac and I went to sixth grade choir practice and then that night Isaac went with Noah and me to the choir concert where he sat with Noah and slept through the whole concert. On Saturday, we went back to Mom and Dad's house and Emily and Rush came up. On Sunday, Isaac stayed all day with Emily and Rush while Noah and I went to Gadsden for a harp gig. He also went with us that night to the dress rehearsal for the Living Christmas Tree.

Week 4
Isaac had a doctor's appointment on Monday. He did very well. We stayed inside the house more this week than we did last week. On Wednesday Noah went to the Living Christmas Tree dress rehearsal and I went to the Love feast dress rehearsal and Isaac stayed home with his grandmother McQueen. On Thursday, Emily and Rush came to Huntsville and Isaac went with them to his first performance of the Living Christmas Tree. We didn’t have anyone to watch him for the Friday performance but that night we found someone who was willing to sit with him during all the performances. We are so grateful to Mrs. Gattis for holding him during the performances. Isaac went the Living Christmas Tree on Friday night and then again on Saturday afternoon. On Saturday night he stayed home again with his grandmother McQueen. On Sunday he went to Sunday school with Noah and me for the first time and then to his second church service. He went the Children’s Tree later that afternoon and then to the last performance of the Living Christmas Tree that night.

Week 5
Sunday night I got yet another fever, so Monday, Isaac and I just stayed home while Noah went to school to give his exams. That night we went out with Mom and Dad to eat and saw several Randolph families. On Tuesday, Noah, Isaac, and I went to the Randolph faculty luncheon and that night Isaac and I went to the Arts Department Christmas Party while Noah stayed home and graded exams. We missed Noah at the party but it did him a world of good to not only stay home but to have Isaac and me out of the house. Isaac did great at the party! He was even awake a majority of the time and didn’t fuss at all.

Sleeping
At first we were pretty sure Isaac had his days and nights mixed up. He could sleep up to five hours during the day but was a little fussier at night. He is gradually getting away from this. He is now starting to have way more awake times during the day. We are trying to stimulate him both showing him toys and putting him on his tummy time. He is very interested in light. He likes to look at our Christmas tree which has the twinkling lights. He also likes to look at his chain link toy and his little red helicopter rattle. He just got a new toy that lights up and he will look at that one too. Even though he isn’t thrilled with tummy time, he is doing a good job of lifting his head especially when he is being held on someone’s chest. He loves his pacifier too! He wants to eat pretty much every two hours though. Noah decided to try and give him some formula to see if that would fill him up more and make him sleep for a longer period of time during the night. At first he didn’t like the formula and wouldn’t take it. One night he ate two bottles of formula but it didn’t help him sleep longer and then the next night he spit up the entire bottle, so Noah isn’t pushing the formula anymore. Despite that, he is sleeping a little better. He wakes up at 2am and 4am and then again at 6am. He is less fussy as well, so things are definitely getting better.

Temperament
He is a great baby. He fusses a little but he is not a crier at all. He is content even when awake. He likes his swing and is fine to just sit in it and swing. He loves being held and is perfectly fine with anyone holding him. He is also fine to be set down in his bassinet and fall asleep on his own. He has been doing a great job of quietly sitting through performances and church services and rehearsals. Though he is still a little on the fussier side at night and because he is beginning to be awake more he is beginning to get a little fussier all the time, I would still say he is a great baby.

Baby Blues
Before Isaac was born, Noah and I were both a bit worried about post-partum depression. The first two weeks were really hard, but even then, I was progressively adapting better and better and have still been adapting better and better. I would say my baby blues only lasted for two weeks, which is amazing!! It was really hard to adapt to being a mother at first. When he was first born and the doctor put this screaming wet thing on my chest, I was completely overwhelmed and had no idea what to do at all. The whole time, the nurse was warming him up and cleaning him up and he was screaming, I felt so much pressure that I was supposed to someone how have some magic touch that would calm him down. Mom was the one who was actually able to get him calmed down right after birth, and I felt much better once he stopped screaming. The first week, we stayed at my parent’s house and I definitely felt overwhelmed and extremely anxious. It was hard to keep control of my emotions and I don’t want to dwell on this too much. Suffice it to say, I’m glad that first week is over. He was precious, we have lots of great beautiful pictures to remember how tiny and cute he was, but I’m glad we are both growing together. I’m glad I only had the baby blues and they only lasted a couple of weeks!