On June 24th we had another doctor's appointment at 37 weeks 1 day. The ultrasound looked really good. The babies were moving, they had heart rates of 137 and 139, and their fluid amount was just perfect. Baby A was crunched in a little ball very low down and Baby B was on top of him. My blood pressure was good as well but my cervix was still closed.
We had a conversation with the doctor about delivery dates. Before this appointment I had been thinking that 38 weeks was the magic number and we would be induced then if we had not delivered before then. In my mind, I've had the date of June 30th. The doctor told us at this appointment that if we wanted, we could go ahead and induce this week at 37 weeks, or induce next week at 38 weeks, but he would be out of town part of the week and didn't know off hand was his schedule was. We also could wait until 39 weeks when he would be back in town, but he didn't think we would make it that far. Every day we're pregnant, the statistical chance of going into labor rises. That was quite a decision to make in the office. He said we could think on it and call back later that day.
When trying to make an appointment for next week, we asked if we could schedule an inducement with our doctor for next week at 38 weeks pregnant. The receptionist said that our doctor had no office hours the next week at all. So we left to go think some more.
We talked things over with family and decided, well, maybe inducing this Thursday at 37 weeks 3 days would be our best option because he would be able to deliver the babies. I called the doctor's office at 12:00, I waited on the line for over 20 minutes and no one answered the phone, I wasn't even redirected to the emergency line. at 12:30 I called again and no one answered. I called again at 12:45 and then again at 1:00. At 1:00 someone answered and said that my doctor and his nurses had left for the day and someone would call me back the next day. We were worried about getting everything scheduled so Noah called back and asked if someone could call us back today.
The nurse called me back and said that they couldn't schedule anything until tomorrow but it shouldn't be a problem. Then later on, the nurse called back and said she had spoken with the doctor and he wanted me to go in at 10:00pm Wednesday night to get started with the induction for Thursday morning.
All that night we continued to mull things over. We had thought this weekend would work really well with all our family's schedules, but things sort of fell apart and weren't as neat and tidy as we originally had thought. That wasn't a problem but it took the wind out of the 'oh this is the perfect situation'.
I also began to worry. 37 weeks. Are their lungs fully developed at 37 weeks? Will they end up going to the NICU at 37 weeks? Am I giving them their best chance at 37 weeks? Even though I am told every visit, how amazing it is to make it to 37 weeks and I am so grateful to have made it this far, am I looking a gift horse in the mouth to proceed with an elective procedure this soon? How would it be if a baby ended up in the NICU because of a decision I made for him? Isn't my sole job to give these babies everything I've got considering how healthy I am right now?
Of course on the flip side, going too long is also potentially dangerous. Is their chance of stillbirth rising now that we're so far along? Will the placenta dissentegrate? Will they get enough oxygen? Will they suffer from intra-uterine growth restriction?
I asked on my mother of multiples mommy board and read some more on the internet. I just feel like with twins there is this teeny tiny window of 'what is best.' Okay, I can make it to that window and I can easily induce in that window but the problem is, I also feel like that window is a moving target. Some places I read that that window is between 37w0d-38w0d, or is that perfect window 37.5w-38.5w, or is that window 380d-390d?????!!!
At 8:30am on Wednesday morning, I called the doctor's office and told the receptionist I wanted to cancel my induction. The nurse called me back and told me that was fine and to let them know if I changed my mind. I just felt that maybe 37 weeks was too soon. Some babies, especially white boys, end up going to the NICU at 37 weeks because of lung development and/or ability to eat. We gave Isaac until 40w4d and he was so perfect and so healthy. Don't Carleton and Corder deserve that as well?
I feel like the biggest decision I've ever made, where two lives are completely in my hands is right before me. I didn't even know this was a decision I needed to make until two days ago. Am I risking their lives by not inducing this week? If I try to induce next week without my doctor, will the new doctor pressure me into a c-section? Will the new doctor know my case history or know what is best for us? Will there be anyone looking out for us? If I somehow am able to make it to 39 weeks to be induced with my doctor, is that going too long and risking complications for the babies?
As of right now, at 6:45am on Thursday morning, I have nothing scheduled. I do not have an appointment for next week. I do not have an induction scheduled, I do not have a doctor's appointment scheduled. I feel like I could just fall away and no one would notice. I get it. I'm the adult, I'm the mother, it's up to me to make appointments and follow through with them. Hey, that's what I've been doing this whole pregnancy and with Isaac's pregnancy. But, then there's that insecurity I wrestle with. I certainly don't want to be a bother to them. So far, I've seen them on Tuesday, called them twice on Tuesday, and then called them on Wednesday to cancel the induction. Am I pestering them, am I being too needy, am I demanding too much? I know that I am not the most important patient and they are all really busy, but I also feel that I am at a weird and crucial place. I am 37w3d pregnant with twins. That's a scary place to be. I'm back to the same situation I was in while waiting for my glucose test. I knew they were taking way too long, I knew I needed to get that blood test, I knew I had gotten there in plenty of time, and I knew I had been forgotten but I sat quietly and waited because I didn't want to imply to them that they had made a mistake. And 45 minutes later, when I finally said something, they admitted their mistake and said I should have spoken up sooner.
I hate these situations. I don't want to be a bother to anyone. I don't want to demand things of people. But at the same time, I've got two lives who are 100% dependent on me. I can't fall back into the shadow because I feel safe there.
At 8:30am this morning, on Thursday. I am going to call the doctor's office back and ask for an appointment. I'll tell them I think I might be going into labor (hey I had contractions last night). They keep telling me to come on in, if I suspect something. Maybe I'll get a chance at another conversation. Maybe I can get some answers. I'm kind of freaking out. I feel very disconnected and alone right now and maybe my feelings are completely unjustified and I've just made mountains out of mole hills, which I am prone to do.
I called the doctor's office and the receptionist seemed quizzical as to why I wanted to set up an appointment. I told her I was feeling shaky and uneasy. She seemed reluctant to set up an appointment for me but she said a nurse would call me back.
After 11:00 a nurse called me back and said my doctor was unavailable but I could have an appointment with the on-call doctor at 1:00.
I came at 1:00 and met with the nurse. She asked me what was wrong and I told her I was feeling shaky. She asked when my next appointment was and I told her I didn't have one set up. She called my doctor's nurse who told her I was told to have come in that morning. I told her I was not told that at all. Yes, I had an induction set up and yes I cancelled it, but they had not scheduled me another appointment.
We had an ultrasound, the technician didn't say a word to us. I heard the heart beats but I don't know what they were. She spent more time than usual looking at the babies, I could tell something was up.
We met with the on-call doctor and he told us we weren't going to be happy with the ultrasound. Baby B has turned sideways and is no longer head down. We will now need a c-section. My cervix was still closed. He said the shakiness in the upper extremities and swelling in my hands was probably all related to the movement of the babies and how they were pressing on my nerves and such. He told me to come back in on Monday, I will have another appointment with him.
The nurse set me up with a Monday appointment.
When I got home, I had a message from the nurse to call her back. She said the doctor wanted to do a non-stress test so I am to report to Labor and Delivery on Monday morning at 10:00.
We will go from there.
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